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What I’ve Learned From Meditation

August 8, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

A year and a half ago I sat down, crossed my legs, and began meditating for the first time. I had no expectations, no idea what the point was, or if anything interesting would be revealed. Rather I simply wanted another way to feel rested besides napping. But as my sessions grew longer and more frequent I began learning things and today I want to share my experiences thus far.

But before I discuss the benefits and effects of meditating, let me explain HOW I meditate. First, you must know that meditation doesn’t necessarily have a goal or method behind it. All you’re trying to do is calm yourself and see where it takes you:

Close your eyes and spend time focusing on your breathing. Feel your heart slow down. Once you’re relaxed, begin to tell yourself things like:
- “Clear your mind”
- “Release your [fears, worries, stress, and anxiety]”
- “There is nothing but empty blackness”
- “Your mind is quiet and calm”
Whenever it feels right, begin imagining the muscles in your body relaxing. Once you feel very relaxed and your mind is clear, you can begin to experiment:
- Focus on the blackness behind your eyelids
- Focus on soft music or natural sounds
- Detect all the different feelings in your body
- Or even let your mind wander and see what you think about

And remember, meditation isn’t about accomplishing some specific goal. It’s about relaxation and inward focus. Just flow with wherever it takes you.

So why would anyone go through the trouble of meditating? The first benefit is obvious: relaxation. Meditating is like napping. It feels good, recharges you physically and mentally, encourages a positive mood, and helps calm you down. But this also extends deeper and gifts you what I call “mental clarity”. After meditating my mind feels sharper and my thoughts more clear. I’d also bet creativity is boosted along with your ability to focus. You’ll also begin to experience calmness. Meditation will wrap you in a blanket of warmth and comfort. Irrational thoughts, mood swings, frustrations, anger, etc. will dissolve and leave you feeling serene. If you accomplish anything through meditation, it will be this.

Next is the ability to detect your state of mind. After a number of sessions I began to grow aware of how different I am prior to, and after, meditation. My mind exits refreshed and ready for new challenges as opposed to the tired and weakening mind before. This was especially apparent after chatting with my sister about work and finances. I shared my worries and agreed to pursuits that were contrary to my goals and it wasn’t until after meditating that I realized how different my perception of reality was. I was weak and irrational, and the moment I woke up from my inward journey, I saw it clearly. That I had failed to maintain my composure and strength. And that’s when I realized how different we are during different states of mind. There is a “Sam” that exists that is strong and motivated, a “Sam” that is weak and scared, a “Sam” that is fun and extroverted, and a “Sam” that is quiet and shy. Meditation unlocked that realization and made it obvious from then on. This is a very powerful effect and one I hope you discover.

Another useful effect is the ability to discover internal conflict. When I mentioned allowing your mind to wander, this is the reason. I’ve often found that the thoughts arising are those of worry and stress. This is a perfect opportunity to address them rationally. And when you’ve allowed yourself to cycle through them, making a plan or even solving them, you’ll awake extremely content and ready for the world. Additionally, you may discover problems you weren’t aware of. This can tremendously reduce stress as often times just rationalizing problems helps a lot.

There are also experiences like blinking or flashing lights, mental images, strange thoughts and emotions, and something I call “detecting the subconscious”. Now, I have no idea what is actually happening here, but based on what I know and can guess, it is an experience similar to racing thoughts. It happens after my mind has reached a point of relaxation and the frontal lobe reduces activity. I can “unfocus” my mind and watch as my thoughts fly by. If you’ve ever smoked marijuana, you may have experienced an effect like this. Generally what I’m “viewing” are images and sounds all meshed together. It’s not a visual trip I would imagine you get from psychedelics, but rather like vivid imaginations. It also results in either drifting asleep or feeling immensely relaxed.

So what about productivity? When I first began I was concerned that meditation might be a waste of time. That virtually any other task, whether work or pleasure, was more productive. That was until I realized how much it could restore your willpower. My workday rarely ends at 5 PM because I enjoy what I’m doing. But let’s face it, sometimes I’d rather load up a Steam game or League of Legends. These are times when I turn to meditation. The lights turn off, soft music fills the room, and I escape into a calm, serene world. Upon exiting I feel motivated and refreshed and I pursue tasks at hand with a renewed vigor.

Avoiding Negativity

August 2, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Whether you’re on the path to enlightenment or not, avoiding negativity is great practice. It may seem obvious that we don’t surround ourselves with people that rag on us, but even the subtle negativity we receive from the news can affect us. Avoiding negativity is a key element to bettering yourself and recognizing flaws in your worldview.

It is well understood that people succumb to a herd mentality. If you’re surrounded by negative people, you will most likely become more negative yourself. When we are part of a crowd, we tend to adopt their level of enthusiasm or anger (aka mob mentality). Take Nazi Germany or North Korea, when you’re born into a highly manipulated world, even the most intelligent will follow along. It is very difficult to go against the grain.

In America it’s no different. Our news reports on fear. We are surrounded by economic hardship. Our cities have crime. We fear terror plots and mass murders. Our children can’t go outside unsupervised. You’d almost expect the sky our sky to be dark red with swirling black clouds. Fear and uncertainty ripple through our society because we’re so interconnected. Because we rely so heavily on the same media platforms for information. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

By avoiding negativity and focusing on the positives, we can change the tides. You don’t have to read or watch gruesome news reports. You don’t have to sit in a depressing office with people who hate their jobs. You don’t have buy meaningless merchandise which eats away your precious money. And most importantly, you can realize that money is only a distraction. That it’s fiat and it’s value is merely perceived. I once heard an interesting analysis of old alien invasion movies. In them a mysterious, powerful alien would show up to Earth and kidnap a beautiful lady. The hero would rise and valiantly rescue her, scaring away the alien foe. Now in terms of entertainment value, I’m sure it was a fun watch. But if you break that story down there is a key flaw: that the woman’s beauty derives from a physical property. That even the alien will recognize her beauty because it’s an inherent trait, recognizable throughout the galaxy. In reality though, beauty is not a physical property, but a perceive one. Each human on this planet observes beauty in a different way. And thus an alien invader would probably not be able to tell which humans were beautiful or not. The same could be said about money. American dollars are NOT backed by gold or some form of inherently valuable currency. Additionally, it does NOT have a property about it that is valuable. It is simply paper that we’ve all agreed is worth something. That’s it. Nothing more. And upon realization you can then agree that exchanging your happiness, health, and livelihood for mere paper seems foolish.

But you may begin to argue that these things matter! That turning off the news will result in your ignorance, that quitting your job will put your family at risk, that devaluing money is unrealistic. And maybe you’re right. Maybe you can’t do those things because they are too entrenched in your life. That’s fine, I agree not everyone can so readily let go. My point here is to show you that negativity surrounds your life. That news, jobs, money, girlfriends, diet, hobbies, etc. may be drowning you in sorrow. That it’s not one of them will fill the pond of your demise, it’s all of them together.

So what’s the strategy? To reduce negativity, not eliminate it. By recognizing the flaws, you can begin to remove the easy ones. Find the little things in your life that cause you stress and unhappiness. And as they begin to fall away you’ll realize how much better off you are without them. You’ll begin to see that even the bigger ones like a shit job, bitchy girlfriend, or abusive boyfriend can be eliminated, you were just too weak before. Start small and work your way up, and I promise you, the world will begin to see brighter, warmer, and more welcoming.

We Need Everyone

August 2, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Through my observations, I’ve realized that the vast majority of people prefer simplistic explanations. Even in a world of gray, we only focus on the light and dark edges because they’re easier to see. Our entertainment reflects this, our politics has been boiled down to party lines, and our economic problems are strictly the Presidents fault. Simplicity is what we desire.

But there’s a number of problems with this line of thinking. Here are three I want to mention:

Complexity is interesting and the world becomes more colorful and meaningful when you begin to understand it.
Simplified explanations rarely explain the truth behind complex scenarios. By applying them we are only providing a reason that fits our expectations and viewpoint (i.e. not the truth).
And because of this, we can never address the real issues and fix what is really wrong.

Let us start with complexity. When I was young the world was fascinating because it was all new. I rarely was exposed to the raw, hateful side so I imagined a more friendly and exciting place. When I was finally exposed to reality, I was disenfranchised with the concept and lost interest. I feel that many, if not most people, run this course and simply pursue a simplistic lifestyle because they feel overwhelmed with trying to understand it. Unfortunately this means they will miss out on the most interesting parts of life. For after I realized how complex everything was and began to decode it on my own, the sharp decline in intrigue turned around and spiked exponentially. I now perceive the world to be even more interesting than when I was a child. Complexity is the reason I live on and the reason I look forward to each day.

The second point brings up the problem of perspective. We argue vehemently among each other about religion, politics, sex, education, guns, whatever, because we all have different data. Our experiences are different, our opinions have been manipulated by different people, and we rarely just look up the facts. It’s like a gigantic pissing match with the winner being who could yell the loudest. The alternative of course is a dignified debate in which we present information, argue the logic, and possibly deliver a mutual outcome. But of course this is work and the average American is too lazy to bother. Rather they apply their simplified views to complex issues and are presented with their highly inaccurate “truth”.

And finally, because we rarely, if ever, hold factual information, our solutions to serious problems will only be guesswork. For instance, our economic situation will only improve because politicians are babysitting us. They’re trying to understand it, making stressful decisions, and meanwhile exploiting us as well. I don’t blame them, considering how much work they do. If we really wanted to stop them from gouging us and becoming rich we’d learn how they’re doing it and stop them. Or let’s take social problems like gun control. Instead of banning weapons, let’s realize that people who really want to get their hands on them WILL, and instead come up with ways to intercept their motives. Stop them from wanting to get a weapon in the first place. I realize this is harder and more expensive in the short run, but considering how much we spend on prisons, court cases, lawyers, police officers, etc. we’ll end up saving money and lives in the long run.

And this brings me to the point of this article. While everything else I mentioned is important, I wanted to focus on how our simple views hurt people as well. Racism, profiling, discrimination, and xenophobia exist because we apply expected behavior to people of one classification. We believe that all people can be categorized as good or evil, productive or lazy, popular or geeky, dangerous or safe, etc. And with these classifications we assume they have certain positives and negatives. That they offer the same things to society. Often times close-minded people wish only to be left alone, that their world was perfect before “those people” showed up. But they fail to realize the one crucial truth, that diversity is our species greatest asset. That our vast variety of cultures, interests, and motivations move us forward. They present us with problems we can learn from and open our minds to new ways of thinking. And this is where my realization about humanity sank in: we need everyone. We need politicians, police officers, geeks, jocks, heroes and villains, criminals, hackers, scientists, explorers, terrorists, leaders, followers, lazy people, naive people, educated people, geniuses, and everyone in between. I realized it was foolish to ever wish away even a single category because everyone brings something to the table. Diversity is our strength.

But what about criminals and generally evil people? Surely we don’t need them? But of course we do! In fact I’d argue that productive criminals are more useful to humanity than lazy, normal people because they present us with novel problems we can learn from. Hackers improve our security, corrupt politicians expose holes in our law, foiled terror plots prepare us for even worse attacks, it all moves us forward. These evil doers present some of the most complex problems we face: social issues. If we are to prevent future instances of mass violence, we must avoid simply making laws, and address the real issues.

Another reason we need everyone and their crazy ideas is because they counterbalance our opinions of the world. I have a feeling that if only select groups of people existed and they all held similar views, it might spiral out of control. We need loud, vocal extremists and people we disagree with because it offers the full spectrum of thought. If we only ever heard just conservatives, just liberals, just anti-whatever groups, just pro-whatever groups, etc., we might actually adopt their views and become mindless lemmings. Diversity of opinion allows many sides to compete which keeps things balanced overall.

UPDATE 2016-02-07: After 3 years I still hold that this argument is valid although I concede that it’s probably not accurate to say, “we need EVERYONE.” Perhaps a better title would be, “we need ALMOST everyone.” I’d also like to point out that one of the primary goals of this article is that it should force you to ask some important questions regarding your own beliefs: Why do I disagree with other people so frequently? Why do I focus on how they differ from me rather than considering their opinions as truthful possibilities? What new perspectives have I blocked out because I didn’t give them a chance? If you allow belief to influence your understanding of the world than most people will always remain an enigma. They will always seem less intelligent than yourself, less wise and open-minded, but this is a grand illusion put on by your own ego. The truth is that you’ve constructed barriers to protect yourself from seeing the reality in which you actually exist because it is painful to realize who you really are. We are all so much more damaged, broken, and weak than we’d like to admit, and when you face those demons head-on it is a painful and destructive process. A process our minds will avoid at all costs unless we take the wheel and drive there ourselves. So consider it. Consider that everyone is necessary, that everyone offers perspective that is useful for decoding reality (especially when it runs contrary to your beliefs), and watch as the barriers begin to crumble and your true self is finally exposed.

Belief, or a lack thereof

July 13, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

I grew up in a Christian household that went to church, prayed, and said grace. I accepted this reality without question and truly believed in God when I was young. He definitely existed and so did the narrative that existed around him. This is important because narrative and structure provide footing for belief to stand on.

Fortunately Church is boring and so is Christianity. Couple that with an inability to answer even basic questions and its flaws eventually became apparent. This didn’t immediately eject me from its control however. At first I resisted and found excuses to maintain the fantasy. This idea was gifted to me by others who emphasized its importance and so destroying it, in a sense, was a betrayal to them, but this force only lasts so long and the roots of dissent were in place. This is important because as the structure crumbles away, the naked belief is eventually revealed for what it truly is. It is only at this time when you can accurately reassess what it is you’ve believed in all along.

None of this is helped by the fact that during our formative years, those around us are heavily influencing our perception of the world. They are intentionally or accidentally planting ideas and beliefs in our mind on a regular basis. Those who have fallen victim to narratives like Christianity are especially dangerous in that they encourage those around them to believe, discourage open discourse, and forbid exploration of unknown or conflicting territory.

However, what disturbs me most about belief is that within its confines the problem isn’t obvious. It wasn’t until I was outside looking in that I found perspective. But even that statement is not entirely accurate. I have not traveled to some new location. I am still the same person with those ideas and memories locked up inside my mind. It would be more accurate to say that those ideas are still there but that they are now connected to a vast network of other ideas which challenge their hypotheses. I did not vanquish belief or Christianity, I proved it wrong inside my mind. All of that information must live there together, it’s up to you to restructure it.

What I gained through this experience is a lesson that has appeared elsewhere in my life. By experiencing mistakes first-hand I better understand what they’re capable of and witness myself slowly transition through stages of realization, rejection, and resolution. This journey provides clarity to the scope of each issue and I’ve found that experiencing the breadth of some spectrum provides the greatest insight in understanding it. More importantly however, I asked myself: what other fallacious ideas have I unwittingly accepted as truth?

This dilemma has bothered me since and has resulted in a lack of belief. A vacancy of opinion regarding important topics. It has required me to reevaluate my principles, destroy sacred beliefs, abandon comfort and familiarity, in exchange for clarity and understanding. I am calmer, smarter, and freer to explore the world. It has also increased my ability to absorb new information because I no longer require excuses to shape observation. I can listen without arguing. I can travel through the medium of belief without attaching myself to it. I do understand that it’s comforting to lean against something that defies death and bestows purpose, but it’s dangerous and naive. The reality of our situation IS a hard pill to swallow, but a necessity for growth into a responsible modern adult.

Why would activation energy exist?

June 25, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Why do activation costs and the ego exist? How do they factor into the evolutionary development of our mind? Why would we even have activation costs if they make us lazy and less likely to survive? Or are these simply consequences to a self-aware mind?

UPDATE 2013-01-27: Activation energy probably exists for the same reason physical energy exists. It’s finite and wears out with use. Just as we can exercise the body, we can also exercise the mind to make it stronger and work longer. And they have limited energy because only so much energy can be stored in your muscles and mind at a time. You have to rest to recharge.

UPDATE 2015-03-16: I can also imagine that cells, energy in general, wants naturally to be at rest, and that life resists this natural tendency through its own mechanisms. In the beginning cells had minor internal functions that grew in complexity and further from that state of rest. The more complex we become, the more noticeable those forces acting against us are. Life, energy, movement is all working against the natural state of the universe. What it comes down to is managing our brain chemistry and realizing that all these systems respond to change and long-term change equates to more permanent results. Cells don’t want to work, but they will, and the more you work them the more they can shape until they run more optimally under the conditions you’re trying to reach.

UPDATE 2018-09-11: This idea that the natural state is “at rest” might be wrong. The universe is literally vibrating constantly at its smallest levels. To think that the universe is at rest seems wrong from that perspective. However, it may be that we’re “overclocking” our systems which is why activation energy exists. The system wants to be alive and move, but only to a degree. As humans, especially in modern societies, we want to constantly be active and engaged with the world which is beyond the default desire of the system. This is why we get tired and require willpower to overcome it. We’re revving the motor and expecting it to just work or have no consequences over time.

Fear of Success

June 25, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

I’m reading a blog post called “Fear of Success” and it made me realize that maybe a lot of people don’t succeed in life because they actually fear it. Whereas I am obsessed with becoming rich and powerful and enlightened, they are actually scared of achieving because of the added pressure…seriously? That seems absurd, although I suppose without pursuing the right paths, normalcy feels safe and secure. Or maybe it’s their attachment to the status quo. That would make sense since we observe that sort of thing historically and on a daily basis.

UPDATE 2015-03-16: The only thing that really stands out here is the realization that people are different. Truly different. Fundamentally different in how they think. Who I am is alien compared to other people and it means nothing in terms of value. We are all just different and play different roles and have different ideas about what things mean and how they should be done. There are probably people that legitimately self-sabotage because they’re afraid of succeeding. I might be one of them. Why don’t I try harder at work? There’s probably a lot of reasons, but one might be that I’m really scared of standing up in front of everyone and taking a strong lead on something. Standing up at the quarterly meeting and asking a question or giving a presentation. Spearheading a project. In this little world of mine I might be too scared to succeed. We are all very different and yet very vulnerable in the same ways. Keep an open mind and scrutinize yourself from every angle because you might just realize that something that seems so certain to apply or not apply to you, might just do the opposite.

UPDATE 2018-09-12: This is kind of embarrassing to read. I am, and was, scared of succeeding just like everyone else and didn’t realize it. The way we view ourselves internally is so much different from how we really act in the moment. That’s the big difference here. I was caught up in how I thought of myself, but not the reality of real life situations. The fear of success is referring to actual moments in life when difficult situations are presented and most of us fail to perform correctly. We struggle, we break under pressure, we back down, we do the wrong thing. That’s what’s really being said here. I was just a naive kid when I wrote this with a skewed perspective of reality because I thought I was somehow immune or exempt from the pressures of the real world. Really it was just a lack of real life experience that will quickly humble you when you realize you’re not all that you think you are.

Who Am I? (Primer)

June 25, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

One issue that I’m constantly torn over is determining who I am. Very often I see a character from a movie or TV show and think to myself, “I should be more like them. They are strong, have X characteristic that’s [funny/witty/confident/etc.]” and I find myself imitating their behavior for a short time. Examples of this might be, after watching Downton Abbey, I was more proper, after Sherlock more intellectually stimulated, and after Thor more confident and strong. But the problem here is that I cannot be all these people at once and I cannot choose one definitively. I can’t JUST be Sherlock because I also want to be funny, social, and strong like Thor, and proper and witty like the rich folk from Downton Abbey. So what do I do? How do I determine who I am? Often times it seems like the coolest people in the world are those with really defined personalities. Joe Rogan may be the coolest person in the world because he’s consistent in his behavior. You can trust in his responses and predict in his behavior. Who am I? Where do I fit in this? If I cannot possibly choose one path to follow, then am I no one?

I’ve also been told or hinted at that those without strong personalities are weak, insecure, and confused. It seems intuitive even. That most of us are just misinformed and incapable of handling this world because we don’t have strong character. But I don’t feel this way. I lack a core personality that’s consistent across the board, but I don’t feel insecure or weak. In fact I feel stronger than ever and I would consider myself highly informed compared to most people. So who am I? Perhaps I am no one and that’s the point. Maybe when you begin to understand this universe and become enlightened you lose yourself and become unattached. Maybe having character isn’t the strongest level of development. Perhaps it’s just a burden.

2015-03-16: Or perhaps, young Sam, it just takes time. At this point in my life I had only been out of college a half-year, I had just begun to break the seal on the vast world of enlightenment, it seems perfectly reasonable to think that the complete destruction of my core self would result in a long uphill battle towards redefinition. It’s crazy to think how much lies in front of me at this point. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Complete and utter destruction. I have so many memories of being out in the world, realizing something profound, and rushing home so I could write it down on my computer. Each journal entry slowly tearing me apart and replacing the core of my being with something fundamentally different. Life is so crazy.

2018-09-12: First off, it seems likely that we are simply bad at seeing ourselves from the outside. We have such a vastly complex view of ourselves that we struggle to see the distilled external version that others see. So to think “I am no one” or devoid of a concrete personality is probably wrong. Second, basing it all on a “personality” or archetype is too broad when talking about a complex system. There are a multitude of smaller components that need to be reviewed first. I have a feeling my bigger issue is a lack of self-confidence more than anything.

Read the full version of this post here

Luck doesn’t exist

June 25, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Luck is not some mysterious force working inside us, but rather tiny subtle flaws or advantages intrinsic to our current personality or understanding of the world. Luck is as relevant as our day-to-day emotions. Fleeting, seemingly random, but controllable with enough data and effort.

The fear of accidentally ruining your mind

June 25, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Another interesting thought this article reminded me of, is this feeling that my mind isn’t entirely in my control. When I read articles like this that talk about a helpless psychological condition we all face and only few of us defeat, I have this nagging worry that says, “by reading this, you’ll adopt this behavior and ruin your mind!” or something along those lines. I know it’s absurd, but it’s a consistent concern I have when exploring unfamiliar territory. However, I am beginning to feel a force working against it. Perhaps by continuing to explore this world I will eventually reach a point where “I know everything” (not literally) and can completely control my mental states. I could read about something like this article and be entirely unphased by its information because I already know the truth of the situation. This article is actually a good proof-of-concept because I am somewhat aware of what he speaks and have a preformed opinion about it. So as I’m reading I feel that weird adoption anxiety but also something pushing against it, reminding me of my personal reality. It’s interesting. Perhaps it’s belief…which may or may not be good.

UPDATE 2013-07-09: I remember this feeling well and it’s only in recent months that my mind has reached a strong enough point where these worries no longer affect me. In fact, it’s important to note that with consistent practice, thoughts like these have almost entirely vanished from my life. I’ve made a lot of emotional and psychological progress that I wasn’t sure I could do a year ago. It’s very exciting to see such profound changes take place, especially when I had no idea what to expect or where it was going.

UPDATE 2015-03-16: This is really interesting and probably highlights a weakness of mind we call “ignorance.” When you don’t know, anything seems possible. I remember being plagued by this thought on numerous occasions, that what I read or thought about, might infect my mind. Now I am completely free of it. I know too much to be affected that easily. This surely has religious implications, young minds, captured by indoctrination, see a world they do not understand and thus must construct imaginary worlds to explain and protect. If you stop learning, on any level, you have failed. The world will remain a mystery, and you a slave to its every whim.

The human parasite

June 25, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

What if the human race is a parasite? The planet started with a natural equilibrium of water and biomass (plants) with healthy bacteria (animals) living on it, then the human parasite began to spread, devouring its resources and consuming the planet. What if we were seeded for this reason? Perhaps our forefathers, long ago, launched our genetic material into space in all directions, hoping that some small fraction would reach other habitable planets. Spreading the human race through the galaxy like a virus. Maybe we’re destined to die here, but not before launching our own genetic material back into space to keep the cycle going.

UPDATE 2015-02-08: This seems more plausible if life is exceedingly rare. An alien society seeding planets because it won’t happen naturally. Sure they expand themselves to various points throughout the universe, but probably not ALL the planets. Seeding hundreds, thousands, millions of them seems reasonable if the odds of life are so slim by default.

UPDATE 2018-09-10: Humans are not virulent. The planet has never been at a natural equilibrium. There have always been problems and humans are just as natural as other complex systems in the environment. It’s one thing to see similarities, but to reach a conclusion about humans being a virus or bacteria upon the earth is naive. Viruses don’t build cities, write books, make YouTube videos, or perform surgery. Comparing us to them is a vast oversimplification of the situation we find ourselves in. Sure, there are patterns, and comparisons like this can be useful, but it is not a conclusion.