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Productivity Tips: Realisitic Expectations, Taking Breaks, and Gaining Momentum

March 3, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Today’s upload shares two little productivity tips to help you accomplish more in life. The first is having realistic expectations by researching new tasks, jobs, and hobbies before diving in. I stand by my “7 day rule” which says, wait 7 days before committing to anything. You can plan, dream, draw out, research, discuss, etc. all you want, but don’t spend any money or make any permanent commitments for 7 days. Because I’ve found that after 7 days you have a pretty good idea of whether or not this new project or hobby is a good idea. The reason this is important is because after 7 days you’ve returned from the elated, excited, non-regular mindset, to the mindset that you have 90%+ days of the year. Sometimes we get so caught up in the moment we neglect to realize that how we feel now, doesn’t reflect how we normally feel. And when it wears off is when we say, “oops, what did I get myself into?” Of course I should also mention that this can be good sometimes because we need to get out of our comfort zones to really experience life. But generally it’s best to be in control of these things and make rational, responsible decisions.

I also bring up the discouragement we feel when we’ve failed to achieve something. For example, for a few weeks you decide to begin learning a new language and you’re excited and diligent about keeping up with your studies. Then life interferes by dumping extra work on you or distracting you in some way. Suddenly it’s three weeks later and you haven’t studied at all. A feeling of disappointment sets in and you sigh, shrugging off the feeling and telling yourself, “damn if only I would have found time to keep studying. Oh well, I guess it’s not a big deal.” And your language studies cease. But here’s the kicker. It didn’t cease those three weeks ago, it ceased in that moment, because that sort of situation is nothing more than a reminder. Instead of shrugging it off, restart your studies. It doesn’t matter if you have to relearn things or start over. That’s like sending you message saying, “hey remember that language you were trying to learn? Go learn it now, you have some time.” Don’t get discouraged and quit, just do it again. Because ultimately it’s not even about whether or not you learned the language, it’s about maintaining a level of productivity that keeps your mind active and excited about life. So when these moments pop up, when you’re reminded of something you used to do, just start doing it again.

The last point I make in this video is that if you’re a content producer like myself (making videos, blog posts, etc.), don’t worry about quality at first. I know it seems incredibly important to only put out your best work, but the problem is that you’re going to struggle remaining consistent. Instead focus on producing regularly, regardless of quality. Get into a groove by releasing 1 video per whatever. No matter what. Consider all your content right now practice for future content that’s going to blow people away. Because I promise you that however you envision your content now, it’s going to suck and be rejected for years, until it finally reaches this magical place that people respect. And this applies to basically everything. Our perception of success grossly underestimates what it actually takes to be good. Take that into account when pursuing a project.

The 3 Types of Awareness

February 21, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Today’s video talks about 3 different types of awareness. The first is environmental or situational awareness, which opens your eyes and mind to your physical surroundings. Where are you? What people and objects are here? What past, present, and future actions are here?

The second is social or emotional awareness, which is the subtle art of detecting the thoughts and feelings of others. While this may be a difficult subject to master, it is incredibly useful in determining intention, someone’s next move, how they feel about you, etc. I personally call this “the game” and whether you want to play or not, whether you’re aware you’re playing or not, you ARE playing. So understanding it, and at least protecting yourself, is a must. Learn more here.

And last is self awareness, the ability to detect your own subtle thoughts and emotions. It may surprise you that most people don’t fully know themselves, and this most likely includes you. Your brain is a complex organ and does much more than your consciousness is aware of (at least at first), and understanding it is not a guarantee, nor is it necessary to live. You must take time and effort to reveal this hidden world inside your mind before you can ever hope to fully understand yourself and the world around you.

Mimicry Can Make You Smarter

February 21, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Today’s video talks about how mimicking intelligent people can reveal hidden behavior and nuances. This can be an incredibly useful tool for waking up to reality, gaining new perspective, and understanding the world. I also talk about how desensitization can lead to an awakening by forcing people to reassess their opinions of certain matters. I specifically speak of 4chan and how consistent use can allow a person to relax to the sort of content found of their image board and ask questions like, “why did I find this so offensive in the first place, when now I find it funny? Was I overreacting? What other beliefs and opinions do I hold that might be wrong?”

Lastly, I talk about how ordinary anonymity offers the most freedom and potential in life. By being born into riches or nobility, a fate many would probably wish for, you may actually have stifled growth because your future and behavior is controlled. By being a “no one” in life (at least at first), you’re allowed to define your reality and find whatever purpose and direction you want (especially if you experience an awakening).

Thoughts on Marijuana Legalization

February 20, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

I’m sure there are many pro legalization articles floating around, but I wanted to publish my thoughts on all the benefits and consequences of marijuana that I’ve personally observed. Some or all of these are arguable, but I’m not really interested in debating anything. Like all my articles, they exist to ruminate on.

The first is the most obvious: the effect. Marijuana provides an altered state that can manipulate your worldview, increase creativity and attention to detail, relax and calm you down, energize and spark curiosity, offer fresh perspectives, and break down belief structures. All of these can be highly valuable assuming one is interested in utilizing their high. I think when considering the general public in terms of how they would use legalization, we can assume their lives will remain virtually the same. This means that most users would simply consume marijuana for relaxation. Especially among blue-collar workers who may be working tough jobs for long hours. This substance, in my opinion, would provide a better substitute for alcohol-induced relaxation. Among white-collar workers I think we would find users smoking to relax and enjoy entertainment like television and movies. And I think it’s here that we find our first opponent to marijuana: mainstream news agencies. Often times I’ve found that marijuana provides a powerful new angle when analyzing content you’re familiar with. You’ll notice subtleties that normally blend in, you’ll reassess how you feel about things, and the consequence of most Americans smoking cannabis would be the realization that mainstream news is overly negative and incredibly stupid. I base this conclusion on the fact that an increased attention to detail would reveal the negativity you absorb from hearing about deaths, economic woes, crimes, etc. (Note: this increased awareness to emotional absorption can also be achieved through meditation.) They’d also consider what they’re watching more closely because all the different language and visual cues would stick in their minds more clearly. Seriously thinking about what you’re watching would undoubtedly ruin the news for many people.

The relaxation effect would be beneficial for most Americans in my opinion because the stress level of most people I’ve observed is very high. The ability to reassess your life through marijuana may greatly reshape a lot of American lives as they realize how affected by stress and unhappy their are. Again this reveals a serious opponent to legalization: the US government and Wall Street. Assuming a significant swath of Americans begin using post-legalization, I would assume we’d see a correlated statistical shift in how serious those workers are about their jobs. The realization that your job may be responsible for serious unhappiness, high stress, and little free time to spend doing what you care about will undoubtedly affect our economics. As a world power, any significant portion of our country reassessing that aspect of their life could be very detrimental (“lazy nation syndrome”). Of course this isn’t necessarily a bad thing depending on who you are. Considering that we were not born to work our lives away and should be spending most of it enjoying life, this reassessment might be the best thing that ever happened to a lot of people. I constantly feel sympathy for the millions of working adults who have never considered what it is they are doing. They’ve been given a task and will carry it out unto their grave, simply because it’s “the right thing to do”. The longer you consider the design of our system and the reality of life and existence, the more you realize how absurd it is to go along with society. Marijuana may hold the key to freeing many peoples’ minds.

Disclaimer: while relaxation and freeing your mind is good. You must still accept the reality of the world around you. Ignoring your bills, rent, work, etc. and smoking to relax doesn’t change the eventual outcome. Responsible drug use is the only type of drug use I encourage. Pay your bills, pay rent, work hard, but think about things so you can make real, conscious decisions about them. I’d also like to note (somewhat randomly) the importance of NOT using marijuana as a sleep-aid. While it does help with insomnia and simply getting great sleep, natural sleep is always going to be a better, healthier alternative. Do NOT become dependent on drugs for this or any other biological process.

Another important aspect of marijuana use is the increased enjoyment from entertainment. Movies, music, television, art, YouTube, etc. will become more interesting and can captivate you for hours. I can personally attest to an increased appreciation for artistic movies and music post-marijuana use. The band Animal Collective and Between the Buried and Me had previously been nothing more than “noise” when I first heard them. After a night of smoking and watching their live concerts, I became a fan. It allowed me to really hear their music the way I felt it was meant to be heard. The depth, each instrument, and the emotion behind it. Without marijuana my music interests may never have risen above ordinary ears.

Disclaimer: It should be noted that while good media can be appreciated even more, bad media isn’t any different. I suggest actively experiencing what is considered “high art” when high. It will expand your mind, rather than dumbing it down. Additionally, marijuana-based perspectives can actually ruin content as well. I had previously enjoyed the sober experience behind the movie Avatar until I watched it high. Flaws, CG, bad dialog and more become suddenly more apparent. I also immediately stopped playing the game Morrowind as well because the nerdiness-level was too intense. Lastly, it can be somewhat addicting to watch and play everything high because it all seems better. But this is addictive behavior and should be managed properly. If you find that you can’t enjoy things unless you’re high, then you probably need to take a break and get your mind clear.

Now let’s talk about the greatest asset marijuana possesses, something I mentioned above: forced perspectives. Derived from increased attention to detail and the ability to reassess aspects of reality, marijuana provides a powerful tool for destroying belief structures and providing new perspectives you had not previously considered. This is one of the most fundamental lessons a person interested in intellectual enlightenment must eventually grasp. That what you believe, and what is “true”, are two entirely different things. I believe marijuana could produce this effect in a portion of users minds and free them from previous restricted thinking. And this is where we meet our next opponent: religion. Marijuana itself can provide deep spiritual and enlightening experiences. This of course directly contradicts the Church who until very recently provided most people with meaning and purpose. But a free mind cannot be religious (Note: religion is different than spirituality).

The last segment to discuss here is medical purposes. This is a fairly well known argument for legalization and has provided the most successful legislation to date through the use of medical marijuana. It can be used to reduce pain, help with depression, and I’m sure a myriad of other conditions. Personally, I don’t care too much about this section because medical marijuana legalization is still infringing on fundamental liberties. As a responsible user, I would prefer not to lie to get access to marijuana stores. But it’s important to note our very last major opponent to legalization: pharmaceutical companies. The cost and effectiveness of simple, natural drugs like marijuana and even psilocybin mushrooms could be widely available to everyone who needs them for a fraction of the cost of laboratory produced drugs. They should at the least be considered first over the highly addictive, and questionably effective drugs you get now. The fact that many people are on dangerous anti-depressant drugs when they could have taken a single dose of mushrooms is sickening and should be greatly scrutinized. There are also other industries that would undoubtedly find reasons to prohibit marijuana legalization because it would negatively impact their bottom line. One mentioned by Duncan Trussell on his podcast “The Duncan Trussell Family Hour” was of the potentially lucrative hemp industry that was squashed by industries that would be affected by this new material. It’s these sort of behaviors that push through anti-drug propaganda and bad legislation that are based on lies, like that a hemp industry could easily lead to more marijuana production or that hemp would be smoked for a high (even though hemp plants can have extremely reduced or eliminated THC content). I will admit that growing marijuana among hemp plants could be very difficult to detect and thus hemp’s prohibition makes sense from that angle, but to eliminate an entire industry simply because we don’t want people to get high seems foolish. Perhaps with America’s decline from super power status, we will finally come to our senses and realize life isn’t just about economic and sociopolitical power.

From a statistical viewpoint, one I will be mentioning in a future article, marijuana prohibition makes a lot of sense. Legalization will immediately result in a higher statistical rate of addiction, potentially increased unemployment, economic decline, fatalities due to driving under the influence, and more unforeseeable consequences. But legalization is not without benefit. Protecting and encouraging fundamental liberties is what America is all about and our inability to process, dry, and smoke a naturally growing plant seems absurd at best. It may result in change and consequence but the social well-being of every American touched by this frankly strange and mystifying plant, will live on for the better. Understanding more of who they are and what they want in life. Perhaps a powerful society like ours can’t legalize until certain variables are ready, but eventually we must allow people to make their own decisions and face the consequences of their actions as adults.

Update: I suppose I should quickly mention, in comparison to alcohol, you cannot, or it would be incredibly difficult and extremely uncomfortable to, OD on marijuana. There is also no discernible hangover from marijuana which means you can experience the same level of altered state as alcohol without the painful consequence. Alcohol is generally a better social drug and it’s probably the greatest asset it has. Marijuana I find to be more of a small group or even individual affair, but people who smoke very frequently do socialize on it. I find it much easier to maintain (“be cool and think”) on marijuana than alcohol. Of course this is probably subjective, but something to consider. There is a lingering effect from post-marijuana-consumption that keeps you feeling calm and chill. It’s very nice and similar to the feeling after long meditation sessions. Marijuana legalization may help lift the ban on psychedelic drugs as well which could open a new door to social change and experimentation.

The Zen Practice of Living in the Moment

February 19, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

The other week I proposed an experiment where the subject would use meditation to try and rapidly alter their personality. This week I want to talk about another interesting and potentially beneficial activity to try out. This one, in my opinion, is probably virtually impossible to achieve, unless you’re a zen master, but could greatly increase your ability to focus, control your emotions, stay motivated, become more aware, etc.

The activity is very simple, all you’re doing is utilizing traditional zen thinking to calm and focus your mind. You should approach everything you do that day with 100% focus. For instance, when washing the dishes, focus entirely on the visual and tactile experience of the soap and water. What you’ll find is an immediate difficulty in trying to quell random thoughts from entering your mind. This is what we’re fighting, the constant barrage of extraneous thoughts your brain is transmitting to your conscious mind.

Aside: this is one area I’ve often thought about. First, your brain is probably transmitting thoughts that your conscious mind is becoming aware of, depending on how strong the neural connection is. Strong neural connections stimulated via the external environment through your senses will vary in strength recalling certain previous experiences, so it seems logical to assume that your brain is more a receiver of signals than something that generates them. This is why questioning your free will is important. Of course it seems like we can manipulate these thoughts and alter our personality and perception of reality. But I often wonder why it’s so important to focus on clearing your thoughts and focusing your mind in the zen tradition. Is it because a constantly active mind is somehow inherently bad? Or is it because much of our environment is littered with negative energy you’re unknowingly absorbing? Or is it simply to become stronger by exercising your power of will? Or perhaps it’s because slowing down and focusing unlocks the realizations I mention below.

So why bother interspersing this activity into your daily life? Because it results in some very powerful rewards. The first is the most obvious: a heightened level of focus. This has some close attachments as well, like an increased attention span and willpower. And with these changes, you realize the importance of one-dimensional focus and how much more efficient you are when employing it. It’s important to note here that it is myth that humans can multitask. Instead it seems more likely that we simply shift quickly between what we’re focused on. And even if we do have multitasking abilities they are very primitive and only result in reduced quality to whatever multiple things we are focused on. We cannot focus on two independent tasks and achieve the same level of quality had we focused on them individually. And if you analyze highly successful and motivated people, they often, if not always, focus on singular goals and tasks and work to complete them, rather than managing many different things. I’ve personally found this to be very beneficial and something I wished I had learned earlier on.

There are deeper realizations that result from this sort of practice as well. One is an increased sensitivity and awareness to your emotion and surroundings. This is something you may take for granted at first but becomes incredibly apparent later on. Although I will admit that it can also be really depressing at times because you’ll notice your absorption of negative energy more clearly. I think before the realization you simply absorb it without notice and may even block it out more, but ultimately you’re still gaining negative energy. This realization can help you notice it, get away from whatever is causing it, and meditate back into a happier state. This also helps explain why people react negatively after a long day with things like outbursts, crying, etc. It’s because a lot of times you’re absorbing a high amount of negative energy (tension, stress, etc.) during the day you’re not even aware of it and eventually you crack under the pressure. If we never slept we’d see many more people breaking down all the time and exploding with emotion. Sleep breaks the cycle and resets our energy, but with this awareness you can manually manage it and ensure that you feel happy and content whenever you want to be.

The next realization is this idea that you have much less control over your mind than you think you do. We all go about our lives thinking we have free will and are in control of our actions, but through this sort of practice and meditation, you begin to realize that your conscious mind is often times at the mercy of your brain. That your inability to control the thoughts flooding into your conscious mind, even though you desperately want to stop them, reflects just how little of control you actually have. And eventually this leads to this idea that we have degrees of willpower and that you must earn control by exercising it. The crazy thing is that it becomes increasingly apparent in people around you. You’ll begin to notice all these weird little things that humans do that you never really noticed before, and you’ll realize that many of them are like automated behaviors that their brains are doing outside of their control. It’s really weird and gives you the impression that you’re living among half-aware robots.

Self-improvement and enlightenment are long journeys and this is just one tiny glimpse of the puzzle. Zen thinking, calming your mind, clearing your thoughts, meditation, etc. are all designed at awakening your mind. Don’t expect to try these practices with the hope that days, weeks, or even months later you’ll understand it. I’ve been doing these sort of things for 4-5 years and I’m just now beginning to really notice changes. Be patient, be diligent, and the rewards of heightened states will come to you.

An Evaluation of My Current Mental State

February 12, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

From January – December 2012, I have been distracting myself with an eSports programming project called The Spawn Room and its associated YouTube content. This work has kept me busy and focused, drawing much of my attention away from introspection and reflection. But over the last couple months I’ve begun to spend more time thinking and I wanted to share my current state of mind as it pertains to enlightenment.

First, everything is constantly in perspective. This viewpoint matured over the past year as I worked to implement it and has now become persistent in my thinking. When I observe people or analyze their world, it’s as if there is a notification that is constantly reminding me that the universe doesn’t care about petty human affairs. It’s like holding a marble to a bowling ball. The universe carries much more weight and pulls your attention to it. As such, it has created a state of mind where everything is of equal value. Whether comparing a lazy couch potato to a powerful leader, it all seems like comparing the Earth to the Moon when looking at the sun. They are mere dots in a much grander universe, and most of what us humans do seem only to validate our existence, nothing more. The resulting effect from this point of view is what I call “psychological invulnerability”. It is the consequence of being unfazed by almost nothing. It is the realization that all there is, appears to be irrelevant and thus should be treated with little regard. For instance, I’ve found when interacting with people, I view the content of their words as a dog barking. And if they insult me, it is just another bark. Only a fool would interpret it any other way.

With these changes, I’ve withdrawn socially. Most company and their conversation is of little importance to me. I recently read a Buddhist quote saying, “Let him travel alone, Rather than with a fool for company.” This reflects much of how I feel around most people. Their lives revolve around trivial affairs, they complain about many things, they’re unaware of the world around them, and rarely say anything of value. As a result, I spend most of my time alone, reading and watching lectures on YouTube. It is a quiet lifestyle that I do not consider a consequence or a benefit, it simply is.

When I do interact with people I find it difficult to raise the energy to explain things and loath the question “what do you do?” (a popular question among my age group). I’ve found it incredibly difficult to express exactly what it is I do and why. There just doesn’t seem to be an effective way of explaining enlightenment without talking for hours. And even then, it would be a miracle if they actually understood. Often times I simply just sputter whatever comes to mind, regardless of how poorly articulated, and leave it at that. Ultimately, it matters not. This is especially apparent when I obverse an argument between two people. Their adherence to opinion and belief, clouds their judgement, and they engage in meaningless bickering, all while a rational conclusion could be reached. It tires me to even think of it.

I also have this looming concern that I am trapped on a planet full of unpredictable animals that wield immense power. The people around me appear less human than ever before because they are simply acting out the stimuli given to them, rather than ruminating on its meaning and coming to thought out conclusions (an ability we were graciously gifted to by this universe, and one few people ever bother using). The more you become aware of this reality, the more dangerous it seems. I cannot trust the system or the people in it, because they cannot trust themselves to think properly. I fear they may destroy me, or worse, lock me up somewhere.

Lastly, I feel lost. But what’s odd, is that admitting it, feels like a step forward. With the distractions of materialism and contemporary pseudo-success pulled away, I’ve come to realize that we’re all lost among thorn bushes. And it is only recently that I’ve pulled myself away and ventured into the vast labyrinth of reality. It reminds me of the famous quote, “None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1853). Without awareness, without stripping away the distractions, you cannot hope to ever free yourself from the slavery of being lost. And it is this recognition and acceptance that has allowed me to see more clearly, to wake up. Unfortunately, it also appears that most fail to achieve this, and thus the path, to what I call enlightenment, is a lonesome journey. I have no teacher or guide, only disparate bits of enigmatic information that I must rearrange to complete the puzzle. Everyone is lost. Everyone is scared. I have accepted these truths and begun looking for answers.

Update: I would like to add that this realization was profound. It happened when I was driving awhile back. I was wondering why I felt so lost and depressed, even with all the intellectual progress I had been making. And then it suddenly dawned on me that I had never encountered this in my entire life. I had always had people to look up to, to take advice from. To receive direction, purpose, and quests from. It had suddenly crumbled away and left me alone to decide my destiny. While this was incredibly liberating, it was not a comforting experience.

So, if you’ve read this far, you may be alarmed and think I sound incredibly depressed, antisocial, suicidal, etc. But there are some key benefits to pursuing this line of thinking. It is not all darkness. And I should probably assure any readers that, no, I am not suicidal or even that depressed anymore. I think all of these realizations simply come with the territory and must be conquered to receive their reward.

The first major benefit is clarity. I have reached a point where my absorption of information is pure and unadulterated. This means that my belief system (or lack there of), no longer interferes with my interpretation of reality. I can freely move about any perspective without manipulating it. I also see strategy, sense social cues, read body language, and understand more of situational awareness than ever before. I can appreciate anything and rarely form judgement, biases, or opinions, regardless of how controversial the topic. Even the discomfort of cognitive dissonance, which previously seemed very prominent, has subsided as my mind seemingly adjusts to this belief in nothing. It is as if a veil or filter has been removed from my vision and the world is more clear and understandable than ever before.

Additionally, my emotions are almost entirely within my control. I rarely ever feel anger, frustration, annoyance, or sadness. I do feel depression. I still get choked up by heavily emotional content (I’ve always been an emotional person). I feel happy some of the time, but it seems diminished overall. My emotions are mostly dominated by a “neutralness”. It’s neither happy nor sad, nor angry or frustrated. It’s just a calm, relaxed observation of reality. There is a theory I once heard about emotions being interconnected through dualism. Where feeling less sad and angry consequently means you also feel less happy and content because you must compare the two to measure them (or even realize they exist!). As of late, this seems very likely.

Along with controlling emotion, I have greatly increased my willpower. Through understanding and exploiting activation energy I have efficiently redesigned my life to take advantage of its power. It has resulted in improved physical and mental health. My body is becoming trim and fit, I avoid sugar and fat with no longing for its flavor, my mind is sharp and memory improved. I have better balance and reflexes, enjoy going to the gym and working out 3-4 times a week, and stretching and practicing yoga every morning at 7am. This path towards enlightenment has left my body and parts of my mind feeling like a powerful, and polished machine. And the best part is there is no resistance. I can do all these things and feel excited for them. Eating healthy has become a problem I enjoy solving. Exercise has become a natural part of my morning routine that wakes me up and energizes me for the day.

Through all of this, I feel more in control of my life than ever before, and I live by the tenet, “do what is right, no matter what.” With this, I only pursue what makes sense, not what I am “supposed to do”. It is an amazing feeling to confront the world with this doctrine and makes you realize how little you managed your previous life. I am under the suspicion that free will runs in degrees and that most people have a far smaller degree than they may think. Go to school, learn these things, get a degree, get a job, get a spouse, have a family, etc. These simply reflect an outdated formula from a system demanding obedience. Submit and assimilate, that is the sacrifice expected of you. Only when you wander outside your pen do you realize an entire world of opportunity, happiness, and wonderment exist. Of course there are consequences to this lifestyle and I cannot suggest anyone follow my lead. It is a dark and mysterious path, and at this time, I do not know where it will lead.

There are a few lingering questions I have regarding all these changes. First, how do I interpret modern civilization? While I consider much of it poorly designed (and inadvertently dumbing down and killing off its constituents), it has also produced many wonderful things. I truly appreciate technological advancements, wonderful communities of like-minded people, fun YouTube videos, the quirky cultures, the brilliant minds doing brilliant things, and much, much more, but I often wonder if it outweighs all the negativity. I mean, there must be a better way to handle all of this. And when you take someone like me, who is going through what I believe to be enlightenment, where do I fit in? How can I coexist within or among the system and still remain happy and content? Or is it better to live away from it, and work on other things? I suppose these questions have been asked by many people over the centuries. How can I be happy? I hope there is an answer…

Well I suppose I should wrap this up. There is much more I could say, and perhaps I will, but for now this generally covers my current state of mind. I am working on being more positive as a result of a recent realization. It would appear that value and purpose in life is entirely determined on your own. And as such, it’s just as pointless to feel depressed and hopeless as it is content and happy, regardless of the outlook. So why feel like shit all the time if you can simply choose to feel happy? Although I sympathize with anyone feeling negative because it strikes at me constantly. When everything looks so dark, how is it we can find light? What I feel I’d like most right now is to simply escape to a more natural environment, rich with vegetation and animals. Somewhere I could meditate and learn without the disruptions of modern society. Of course I also consider that perhaps upon getting there I would hate it, but you never know until you try. I must remain in Wisconsin until October for one of my best friends weddings and then after that I may leave.

Update: Here are some other tidbits I didn’t go into but reflect some of who I am right now:

I fear death and view life much differently than I used to. Duality helps explain the importance of comparisons, and as such, deaths seems just as necessary as life. Although I still think humanity will outgrow death eventually.
My inner self (identity) is fading as I work to minimize my ego. I picture the last remnant, a difficult little orb, that is no longer surrounded by all the various selfish traits it used to. But how do I perceive without it? It’s hard to imagine.
One thing I fear is that I may stumble upon a state of mind that is quite advanced, but alters me in such a way that I cannot remember my past state of mind and am thus trapped there. Although considering how slowly and subtly the mind changes, it’s probably not a problem.
I feel more an observer of humanity than a participant. Quietly watching and learning.
Sometimes I feel as if people like me are becoming sane among a world of insane people. That my potentially eccentric views may appear crazy to someone, but it’s actually sanity that they are witnessing. This argument seems strengthened when you consider I may have a heightened state of awareness and clarity. But this is just conjecture.

How To Change Your Personality

February 7, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

I’ve been obsessed with self-improvement for as long as I can remember, and I’ve emulated the people I respect, created lists of personality traits I attempted to form, dreamt about people I wanted to be, etc. But I’ve always ultimately failed to achieve the results I desired. My ability to become more than who I am has been an incredibly slow and tedious process. But recently I thought of an interesting experiment to try specifically regarding altering ones personality.

Say you have a person like myself who wants rapid, significant change. And we decide to find the overlapping personality traits they most desire from various characters and people they respect. We eliminate conflicting traits and are left with a complete description of a fictional character most desired by this person. From here we enact a single, strict rule; that whenever the person in question deviates from their desired persona, they must stop all activity and meditate. And regardless of deviation, meditation should still be required every 3-4 hours (this is technically arbitrary, whatever feels necessary should be used).

The point of the meditation is to restore control over the mind by focusing on breathing and calming oneself. Once achieved, the person runs through a mental checklist of personality traits and notes regarding the persona. Once completed they end meditation and return to playing out the role of this character.

My hypothesis is that, if diligently pursued, a person could rapidly alter their personality by weakening neurons of their original personality and strengthening these new ones. We all know that humans are adaptable and can assimilate into any environment, and if people hear something long enough they tend to believe it. I would imagine this person could achieve significant personality change in just a few short weeks and permanent change after consistent practice.

What do you think? Do you think this is possible? And please disregard any comments stating “this is a bad idea”, “that’s sad, you should appreciate who you are”, etc. I am well aware of all this and find that ordinary people use it to justify their weaknesses. Although I’ll admit that after researching Buddhism, higher states of happiness and contentment can be reached by eliminating desires like these. And we can’t ignore that this line of thinking is inherently bad because it causes unrealistic expectations and depression.

Update: Related to this was another question regarding experimental meditation. Could a person, summoning emotions and fluctuating between them, learn to summon them at will later on? For instance, if you meditated and imagined happy thoughts and followed them up by things that made you angry. Could you eventually have more control over those emotions?

Detecting The Subconscious

January 25, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

I’ve been meditating steadily for some time now and I wanted to share two interesting effects I’ve had. Let me know what you think, especially if you’re a scientist or expert on the brain.

The first is what I call “detecting the subconscious” and it is the act of freely observing your thoughts. Or at least that’s what it feels like. I have no idea what technical processes are going on, but I’ll do my best to describe it. Now if you’ve ever smoked marijuana, you may know what it feels like when your mind races. It’s like a flood of thoughts that spring randomly through your conscious mind and cause you to “space out”. This meditative effect is similar, although not nearly as intense, and involves rapid thoughts randomly permeating through your mind. Generally they’ve been image-based thoughts, like sequences of strange people, monsters, animals, and landscape. The feeling is that of a “letting go”, most likely because I’m forcing my mind to just observe, rather than think. I should also mention that my eyes are closed, and darkness helps. The effect can last as long as you wish, although I’ve noticed a difficulty in keeping my eyes closed or my mind quiet. In response to this discovery, I had a few lingering questions. First, is this similar to what people in isolation tanks experience? Next, what is actually happening inside my brain? I theorized that perhaps I’m detecting subconscious thoughts, the data that’s filtered out of my conscious mind and perhaps the image data that helps construct dreams. I think it’s important to consider marijuana as well since the effect is very similar. Perhaps since weed increases your attention to detail and ability to focus, your mind racing is simply the reduction of the filter and the ability to detect these subconscious regions. Or perhaps these are neurons that are loosely connected based on your current thoughts, but not strong enough to gain normal attention. Or maybe I’m witnessing the formation of neuronal pathways as they’re being constructed.

The second effect I’ve witnessed, and very recently, is a silver patterned hallucination. This effect is very strange and took me by surprise. It’s happened only three times, and all after I’ve woken up after accidentally falling asleep (for just seconds or maybe minutes). The first time lasted 15-30 seconds, with the next two only 5-10 seconds. Each one involved the “silver static-like patterns” that form in my eyes with extreme darkness. Note: I put “silver static-like patterns” in quotes because none of those words quite describe it, but I’m not sure what other language to use. Anyway, the images that formed before me were completely visual, not the imaginary thoughts of images we have in our heads, but literally visual in front of my eyes (or at least that’s how I perceived it. Where the images formed actually I have no idea.). The first instance involved weird Mayan-like buildings and people and I was moving over the ground like a camera suspended 15-20 feet up. I moved around looking at these various fuzzy partial-images before I lost it. The second time involved simple shapes that formed and persisted for 5-10 seconds, with the third time being a persons face that was moving and talking, but with no sound. All of these looked the same, strained my eyes (they felt compelled to open), and required me to try and keep it running. Once I lost the effort to maintain the effect it vanished and I came back to my senses. Very strange.

Update 1: I just stumbled on another journal entry related to meditation induced visual hallucinations. Here’s an excerpt, “…I was just meditating and cleared my mind so well, I began to see my subconscious as I’ve mentioned before. At first it showed itself as it had that night in my room, except this time it went a step further. I began to see visuals inside my head. Like a top-down view of a black world. It’s hard to describe. Kind of like a black city with electrical pulses running through the streets and buildings. Except the buildings were oddly shaped and my perspective was rotating so nothing stopped moving. Then I asked myself to show me more, something more visual. It then opened a small keyhole sized circle and I saw the neurons in my brain. Or at least a representation of them. The weird ganglion shape I’ve seen before. It was trippy. It also scared me slightly to get such a vivid effect inside my head…”

I remember this session and the “night in my room”, but I don’t think either of them were as vivid as the most recent ones. I recall experiencing something strange those times, but recently its been much more profound. I also recorded, “I don’t remember hearing the music I had on or any noise outside. And I feel rested, like I almost fell asleep.”

Update 2: I have another quick update to this post. The reason I don’t believe my conscious mind is generating these thoughts (from the “detecting the unconscious” part) is because they move too rapidly for me to consciously think up and they’re extremely abstract. And when my conscious mind does hone in on a particular thought, everything slows down dramatically. It’s a very different feeling than normal thinking.

Update 3: I’ve been continuing this exercise in observing these thoughts and I must insist that these are NOT conscious thoughts. They are abstract and morph from image-to-image so quickly and oddly that my conscious mind can only observe. The moment I (speaking as my conscious self) focus on a single image everything stops and I can only think about what the image was. Then, if I relax my mind, I can restart the process and watch these images begin racing through my mind again. It’s very interesting and can help me fall asleep at night when my mind is full of stressful thoughts.

Just Do It

January 17, 2013 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Today I want to talk about a seemingly simple concept that most people don’t appear to understand. It pulls itself from the Nike brand “just do it”, which is a wonderful little line that encapsulates the entirety of human ingenuity. Our ability to go out and take action is perhaps the most underutilized freedom we have and something I hope to convey properly here today.

It doesn’t matter what it is. It doesn’t matter that your plan isn’t completely figured out. It doesn’t matter that inspiration hasn’t reached you yet. Just do something. Don’t keep thinking about it. Don’t try and plan all the details. And don’t schedule it for later. Just do it now. Do whatever it is that you find productive. Do any tiny thing that you consider progress. Anything you consider worth pursuing. It doesn’t matter if it fits with your plan. Just do something.

So many times in my life I’ve had plans for projects I’ve wanted to pursue. And so many times I’ve failed to complete them. Only recently when I completely dedicated myself to certain tasks have I realized how simple and effective it is to simply take action. There is nothing holding you back but yourself. And in retrospect it seems so obvious. But there was a time when it wasn’t. And I see it even more clearly in people now. So many speak of things they wish to do, and on occasion they will, but ultimately fail. The reason is because they don’t continue doing productive things.

If you find yourself a week or two into a hobby or personal project and suddenly lose sight of the inspiration you initially held, simply do something. Don’t try and remember what it was that got you started. Don’t worry about the dream that seemed so clear but suddenly doesn’t make sense. Instead think of any small task that is related to what you’re doing and do it. It’s that simple.

Our society seems obsessed with this idea that productivity has to be work or something boring. That if I enjoy what I’m doing than it’s not work and thus not productive. Absurd! If you’re a gamer like myself and deem it productive to play a wide variety of games so that you know much about the industry. Than don’t feel guilty about playing them. You’re amassing a type of domain knowledge and there are ways to use it for good. If you want to read more (like I do), then read more. Don’t feel guilty if you’re “supposed” to be doing something else. It doesn’t matter as long as you deem it relevant and productive.

I always catch myself trying to manage my productivity as well and this is detrimental. Rather than trying to balance coding, networking, content production, social interaction, exercise, dieting, keeping up with pop culture, listening to the latest music, reading good books, watching awesome shows on Netflix, etc. Just take a step back and realize it doesn’t matter. It’s all productive in my mind and thus equally valuable. Just choose one to pursue at a time and then another when you’re done. That way you maximize productivity, enjoy what you’re doing, and relieve the ridiculous stress we impart on ourselves. Don’t over think it, just do something.

UPDATE 2016-02-07: An additional issue worth mentioning here is that even when I do something productive I’m still not really satisfied with myself. It seems rare that I finish a day feeling like I seized all the opportunities available to me and the explanation for why is probably as simple as that: I just don’t work as hard as I could. However, this may be unnecessarily detrimental in a self-reinforcing manner where the discouragement of quitting early, even though you were productive, ultimately destroys your ambitions. Rather than praising yourself and staying positive, you needlessly compare what you did to what you could have done in a perfect world. But this is sub-optimal and unrealistic because the beginning of anything is difficult, especially significant life changes. It would be far more beneficial to set realistic, or even low, expectations early on and slowly increment over time as you adjust to the pursuit of productivity instead of desire. Because remember that you’re fighting a tantalizing and short-term effect over the generally drab and difficult challenge of accomplishing something long-term.

Challenging Your Beliefs

August 8, 2012 / Sam Shadow (SMSHDW)

Today I am going to share the most valuable lesson I’ve learned in life: challenging your beliefs. Something that has provided me deep insight into how the world works and why it works the way it does. It is both powerful and dangerous and necessary for one to achieve enlightenment.

When you’re presented information, you are given something that has passed through another person. And since language is very powerful, something like history can change through the way it’s presented. Or texts and emails can be interpreted differently depending who reads it. Thus it is imperative to realize that any piece of information you possess could be incorrect.

And this doesn’t end with information you’ve read from books or heard from friends. Even those close to you, like parents and trusted educators, may present information that isn’t well researched. Think for a moment about the political atmosphere in the United States. We have two parties that vehemently oppose each other due to conflicting ideals. If you’re on one side of the coin, it appears to you that your opponents are clearly and unambiguously wrong. However, if you stop and think about it, you should ask yourself an important question. How can they believe in something that is so obviously incorrect? If your parents are distinctly liberal or conservative, that is an indication that information they have told to you may in fact be misguided. This is an important realization as a child gets older and realizes that their parents are fallible humans like everyone else and should be scrutinized.

The important lesson here is that if someone tells you one thing and you believe it without question, you are discounting any valid information that may exist elsewhere in the universe. And because of that, you may live a less-than-average quality lifestyle because you aren’t exposed to truth. Information is almost always your best path to success and happiness. “Ignorance is bliss” only works when you’re young and unattached from the system, as you get older it simply becomes a gamble that you will inevitably lose.

There is a concept in neuroscience called “cognitive dissonance”, the discomfort of holding conflicting thoughts or opinions. This is a problem because belief actively filters your perception of reality. Your experiences will literally be altered to make sense to how you perceive the world. Normally this would be a good thing because otherwise everything would be incredibly confusing. But the problem with belief is that if you encounter conflicting data or reflect on something new, you’ll design it to fit within your reality. This is as opposed to understanding the truth behind it. For instance, if you are a devout Christian, you may believe the Earth was created by God very recently. If you are presented with fossils of dinosaurs tens of millions of years prior to the creation event, you’ll alter that data to fit your beliefs rather than accepting the reality of what’s presented. You cannot both believe the Earth is 4.5 billion years old AND that it was created less than 10,000 years ago. It wouldn’t make sense. Thus we begin to realize that holding beliefs may alter what information you’re willing or even able to interpret. And this doesn’t apply solely to large institutions like religion. It applies equally to subtle aspects of language, social norms, dating, etc.

And this continues with a secondary problem. If a person believes that the Earth was created by God some 10,000 years prior, than he or she may never even consider digging into the ground to understand what dirt, rock, and clay is. They may never stumble on dinosaur fossils in the first place. And this presents the next big problem: belief gives you answers, not truth. And when you have answers, you will rarely seek understanding. Think of the myriad of scientific discoveries that would never have been reached had humanity been content with their belief-based answers. Or simply look at the Dark Ages, a period of extremely slow advancement due to the persecution of thought outside of the Church.

What you should recognize here is that belief is only valuable to you, if determined personally. It’s something that should not be passed on to your children or friends. It is a personal journey to help us understand the world. And it begins with assessing which opinions are belief and which are observations. Be warned though, it is not always obvious and it is not always pleasant. You may be surprised to discover how different the world can look once you begin to recognize and challenge your beliefs. To succeed at this, you simply need to spend time learning or trying to understand why people hold conflicting values to you. Ask yourself difficult questions. If you recognize that someone dislikes something, don’t simply brush it off as a difference between you, try and understand why. If you dislike something, try and enjoy it. This is how you challenge your beliefs and begin to break free. Tear down the wall brick by brick.

Besides seeking truth, why else would someone expend this effort to see the world more clearly? For one, it makes your opposition to different ideals less intense. You become more humble and at peace with the world. You begin to realize that there is reason and purpose behind all things. You’ll also become less attached to material possessions as you realize product consumption is a belief. Judgement will feel less important and thus your confidence will increase. You’ll realize the world is complex and interesting. You’ll shed the idea that answers are important and rather it’s about observation. That there are no answers. And this will all lead to your freedom. Because ultimately belief is slavery and until you taste freedom for the first time, you have no idea what you’re missing.

Before closing this article I’d like to mention that belief and tradition are not inherently evil. I am fascinated by theology and would never wish upon humanity that it disappear. I also appreciate the traditions and how religion can connect people. What I fear is that people who believe strongly in these fictions are easily manipulated. There are theories that modern religions began as philosophies, presented by brilliant men many ages ago, and that the resulting institutions we have today formed over time. That their messages were lost as powerful men took over the reigns and manipulated vast peoples’ for their own achievements. Strict, naive belief is what I fear, not the concept of religion.