Why is there such a drive for violence and aggression? In my imagination, the thought of fighting back, giving the finger, or arguing with someone seems desirable. As if it would accomplish something important. One explanation might be the desire for justice. When someone wrongs me, even in a trivial way, I feel compelled to settle the issue. If it remains unresolved and I access the memory later, it will be tainted with negative emotions. I will feel unfairly wronged by the individual or institution without the subsequent positive emotion of justice being served. However, if I could equally return justice upon them and walk away from the situation feeling it was properly settled with no permanent damage, then the memory would feel reconciled or neutralized. It would have the positive feeling of fairness. However, you’re unlikely to ever “equally” reconcile an injustice. The result will always either slightly favor you or the source. It should also be noted that if you took justice too far, and it became revenge, then you might not achieve the goal of reconciliation. The memory would load with a feeling of negativity assuming you felt guilty for taking such extreme action. Especially if it was outside the realm of legality and you were worried about criminal charges. This also brings up justice optimization and counter-attacks from the source. If you were a sociopath or less concerned about fairness, you might always try to seek justice slightly beyond what you really deserve to ensure it’s not only neutralized, but that it benefits you. Not enough to become revenge, but more than what’s fair. The problem with this strategy might be the recursive nature of the source then feeling injustice in return and taking action back towards you. Eye for an eye mentality until someone surrenders, or worse. I could see this being problematic for society as injustices propagate through citizens unable to reconcile with the original source or mistakenly identifying the source. Additionally, I can also see how people might harbor feelings of injustice towards abstract concepts and institutions. Especially if there is confusion or a lack of understanding. I’d imagine that these injustices could stack and severely skew your perspective on government, exclusive groups, different types of people, powerful individuals, and many other entities. Perhaps this is where blame comes in because there is no realistic way to resolve the injustices you believe exist. If all the government is to blame for not executing in your desired fashion, what could you possibly do to resolve that injustice? Complaints and blame allow you to feel victimized and shifts the burden of responsibility off of you. What if all that exists because you simply have unresolved injustices? And what if those injustices are not even accurate? You might be living inside a fantasy world of your own making where you feel marginalized by “evil entities” you don’t really understand.
Category: Articles
Selfishness is an adjustable calculation
Being thoughtful and labeled as someone who thinks about others is yet another calculation. There are 24 hours in a day, you sleep on average 8 of them, you spend another 10-12 working, at school, or tending to necessities. That leaves 4-6 hours each day that you can customize to your liking. Those 4-6 precious hours are yours to spend however you wish and those who are more selfish spend a higher percentage of them thinking about themselves and their own endeavors. Let’s say the average person spends 5% of their time thinking about others in some meaningful way while a selfish person spends 1%. Let’s then average 4-6 hours to 5 and convert it to minutes = 300 minutes. At 5% that is 15 minutes per day that the average person goes out of their way to really think about another person’s well-being and ways they could help improve it. 1% would be 3 minutes. Someone who is “thoughtful” might adjust that percentage to 10% and spend 30 minutes per day thinking about others. The point is, we go about our days not reflecting on how we really spend our time, and even less on adjusting them to reach our goals. By consciously recognizing this fact, you have the power every day to change how you spend your free time. And this thought process applies to many different things, not just your level of selfishness. For awhile, I conducted an experiment using Toggl where I tracked every minute of my day for weeks. It revealed new insights about how I really spend my time and, as a result, who I really am. The second level after that, is the realization that small adjustments, tweaking your day just slightly, changes the long-term statistics of your behavior and the results. A 1% increase towards selflessness, over a long period of time, could result in all sorts of unexpected benefits from the extra 3 minutes per day, 21 minutes per week, or 18 hours per year. That’s the power of recognizing how numbers can influence your life.
Who am I?
For months, I was suspicious of something on the edge of awareness. Then in the strangest moment a rush of connecting dots. A cascade of realizations shedding new light on a portrait inside my mind. I stood there staring. Seeing for the first time a new reflection of myself. An angle that seemed so obvious yet never occurred to me before.
We are born oblivious and deceived. Living in a dreamlike state with manufactured realities as the actors and stage. The raw data of life filtered out in real-time by our ego, upbringing, fear, and biases. We move towards pleasure and simplicity and away from challenges and pain. All these factors contribute to the difficulty of answering what seems like a simple question: who am I?
I didn’t originally set out to answer this question. It came from practicing meditation, and specifically, “being in the moment”. This heightened situational awareness led to the realization that I was ignoring information around me. It started with simple exercises like noticing how hard I closed doors or consciously announcing what actions I was taking. From there it expanded into a regular practice until it became more automated and started to reveal new observations about my behavior and how I really felt inside. Looking back, it’s shocking to realize how imperceptive I used to be by comparison. How had I not noticed these things before and if I hadn’t noticed them, what else was I missing? What role was I really playing in life? How did people perceive me and did it compare to how I saw myself? The bridge inward was inevitable.
As I started to investigate these questions I came across the first important aspect of my identity: that I am impressionable and rely on mimicry to define myself. By mimicking others, or even fictional characters, I would temporarily satisfy these questions and my insatiable need to “be someone”. But there are problems with this strategy. The first is that other people and fictional characters are shallow. You see only a convenient fraction of their lives and so mapping them onto you is purely aesthetic. Humans are far too complex for this to be a satisfactory solution to the problem. The second issue is that different people and characters directly contradict one another. So even if there was a way to adequately mimic another entity, you could never reconcile the differences between multiple targets and, in my case, I could never commit to a singular persona. There was always another person or character I wanted to absorb.
Side Note: mimicry is not a bad strategy. It is incredibly useful for bestowing new perspective and understanding about the world. It is especially useful when you mimic others without predicting the consequences or knowing where it leads. I call this “blind mimicry” and it can ensure that you don’t accidentally place your own beliefs and assumptions in the way of exploring new data.
I found it additionally confusing that the “best people” in life seemed to have strong personalities. Since I didn’t consider myself to fall under this category the inverse meant I must be weak, insecure, and confused. This led to a desperate desire to embrace a character while ignoring another obvious flaw in the plan: that you have to believe in that character and uphold their convictions. This perspective directly conflicts with what I’m trying to accomplish. Characters are predictable and must obey their programming. I saw this as a weakness because belief is a weakness and adaptability is strength. This conflict left me feeling “undefined” and I always fell short of the standard I set for myself. I needed to both be “someone” and “no one”. I kept expecting to solve the riddle until I realized an emerging truth: defining yourself does not come from hand-selecting traits or mimicking others, it comes from slowly cultivating experiences and knowledge over a long period of time. You are already someone, you just don’t know who it is.
My eventual conclusion was that as you explore yourself and the world you must first destroy what exists. It is an inevitability that you must become “no one” to eventually become “someone”. How we are structured in our youth is simply a template to get us started, but the final form is crafted by our decision-making and how willing we are to explore uncertainty. Without that conscious effort you risk building your character on a poorly crafted foundation. The result of this effort over the past four years has allowed me to reassess my beliefs and the world more clearly. I have consciously selected my convictions and principles and rebuilt a foundation that feels stable and purposeful. I no longer feel as if I’m in a dream, unconsciously maneuvering this world, confused by its complexity, and frustrated by my misunderstandings. A strong character it seems is born out of an abolition of childhood beliefs, an abolition of a false self, and the fearlessness to let the world reshape them.
Despite my best efforts I still see myself in fundamentally different ways. By reflecting on my memories, I have gained further insights into who I was and who I might be today. Each year providing new realizations that reshape my foundation, but that further strengthens my overall character. Originally I thought this would be a temporary problem resolved after some deliberate effort, but it was naive of me to think I could expedite the process. This practice results in a new mind with new understanding that can shed different light on our memories. This is why regular reflection is so important because you have a limited amount of time to explore different aspects of your past with a unique perspective. You also become increasingly intelligent over time and by returning to the same memories you are able to provide never-before considered insight. These sessions can also be aided by drugs like marijuana. Drugs seem to force your mind into new territory which reveals stark differences between how you see the world in that moment and how you see it normally. This “stereo vision” tends to make me significantly more aware of my surroundings and thoughts, as if I have two minds operating instead of one. I have answered a great many abstract questions under the influence, but it’s important to apply additional skepticism as well. I have found some stoned thoughts to be false and others to be skewed and misleading. It seems as if the mind isn’t well suited at interpreting reality whether we’re sober or high, but that having both perspectives can be useful. I personally recommend exploring both worlds over a long period of time before jumping to any conclusions. I would also be cautious about being too consistent in life because great insight can happen in strange, unexpected moments. By exploring new ideas, new experiences, new medias and mediums you can trigger profound and surprising changes in your self-image.
My last piece of advice is to be a good listener. If you stop talking and ignore your opinionated thoughts you can learn a tremendous amount of new information. In fact, the further I’ve walked down this path of self-exploration the quieter I’ve become. To some this may be a negative consequence, and sometimes it is, but the benefits have been worth the trade-off. Listening has allowed me to realize how many incorrect things I’ve been told throughout my life and how often I was parroting them. It’s also allowed me to truly hear what other’s are saying and explore ideas previously closed off due to social pressure. This collapse of mental barriers grew exponentially after I realized just how little those around me knew of the world. Listening can also help confirm suspicions about yourself and reveal hidden opportunities in society. Statements from others have also helped solidify parts of my foundation so I could free up mental energy to focus on other challenges. The result has been a sharper mind that is less prone to external influence, more compassionate towards the struggles of others, and more aware of how I use the information entering my mind.
“Know thyself”. There’s a reason this statement has persisted more than two thousand years. Taken seriously, it leads you down a bizarre path that transcends the fleeting endeavors of our daily lives. The process can be painful, arduous, and temporarily upset our lives and isn’t helped by the fact that we are constantly changing. However, what’s gained through the struggle is immensely rewarding and the underlying insights can help you accurately decode reality. This knowledge will assist you in everything you do, build confidence in who you really are, and protect you from a world full of dangers.
Manifested Realities is our Minds Ability to Adapt
Today’s video talks about how altering ones perception and the subsequent manifestations of potential realities may reflect nothing more than our minds ability to fully adapt to what the universe has to offer. It’s this idea that the profoundness we experience under different states of mind are not actual representations of actual realities, but rather the scale to which our minds can form abstract thoughts that in turn allow us to experience a wide range of actual reality. Without the ability to form bizarre realizations we might be ultimately limited in how much and to what degree we can actually take input data. If true, it reveals the importance of science as a true form of discovery and creates boundaries we can use to help define what is real and what is nothing more than conjecture.
More Nonsense About Belief
Belief is persistent. Over the past few years I’ve worked to consciously recognize and challenge my beliefs about the world. As a result, I’ve experienced, what I assume to be, almost constant cognitive dissonance that pushed me down a path of severe depression. I had to let go of everything foundational (foundational to me, not necessarily reality or fact) and live in a world I scarcely recognized. Even with the successes I’ve faced in redesigning my mind, I still find myself “wanting to believe”. For instance, I found myself watching a lecture by Richard Dawkins about some theory I cannot remember and I noticed that my mind “wanted” to accept his theory as fact. Even though I knew it was nothing more than conjecture, I felt compelled to believe in it, as if the world definitively ran that way. This is a dangerous game and a red flag worth recognizing because building your world off uncertain information does little to help you in the end. However, it brought up a few questions I’ve been pondering: “is it natural for the mind to believe in everything it absorbs, as fact? And if so, then why do we have cognitive dissonance in the first place? Or is this desire to believe nothing more than indoctrination of bad rationality early in our childhoods?” Any answers I find will be published in future series.
In regards to the abandonment of beliefs, you need to approach life like no one has ever taught you anything. You could illustrate it as an alien visiting Earth to document and observe our species. I often feel this way, as if I’m here more to learn than participate, asking sometimes basic questions in different ways to reveal insight I had never considered before. But this is a difficult path because there are no guides or teachers you can turn too. I had this realization early on when I grew frustrated and confused at why I was felt so lost. I was doing something rare and undocumented, something most people can’t fathom or even recognize. I should also clarify that the abandonment of beliefs does NOT need to happen all at once. I approached it systematically, attacking one belief after the other as I encountered them. Don’t overwhelm yourself, just start with what you already are questioning and branch out. Also be aware of the complexity of your mind. Competing or connected beliefs, you haven’t targeted yet, may interfere with how you interpret other things. It’s not a clean process where each belief is isolated and easy to root out. You will destroy a belief and yet find it rooted partially in another aspect of your mind. You will find fundamentally incorrect rationality embedded in many places even though you’ve eliminated them in others. Imagine the process of destroying beliefs like untangling a rubber band ball, sometimes the bands come off easily, but often they are buried under others that require you to remove them first to completely get at it.
The life you are leading, and the person you define yourself as, is both relevant and irrelevant when considering belief. Irrelevant in the sense that you cannot change past events so you are forced to accept the current variables of the system and deal with it. There is no alternative here. But relevant in that any minor change along the way could have drastically altered your perception of reality. It is this recognition that should both humble and scare you. By altering a single variable, regardless of size, you could become an entirely different person with different thoughts and beliefs. The point being that your choice to believe in something hinges on 1. something you may have no control over (look up modern developments on free will) and 2. something that is fragile and impermanent. Your beliefs don’t define you, they define one potential you. Realizing that weakness allows you to let go and rediscover the world.
Related to the last point, actively challenging your emotions is helpful in rooting out subconscious beliefs. For instance, you may not consider yourself fearful of the world, yet you are constantly engaging your mind. Distractions like work, exercise, eating, and socializing all pull your attention away from the present moment. It is when we stop these stimuli that we begin to sense subtle cracks in our foundation. I personally felt more confident, and in control, than ever before a few months ago only to realize, more recently, that underneath it all is this lingering and deep seeded fear. I would not be able to detect or challenge this by believing rigidly that I have made progress, conquered myself, gained confidence, etc. Belief [almost] always stands in your way.
Another important recognition to make is that everything you process is programming your mind is some way. Whether that be “sitting on the couch and watching TV” or “stressing out over new projects at work”, you are restructuring your mind to think that’s how the world operates. You are actually gaining skill and building neurons for those activities. That’s why it’s so important to target bad behavior quickly and eliminate it before it becomes too ingrained. Once those neurons are weakened (if you attack it) you can more easily override them with productive behavior. Belief is in essence “prolonged exposure to a stimuli” and does not necessarily have anything to do with truth. Additionally, this means we can justify any behavior, simply by programming our minds to think a certain way. Sit on the couch long enough and that will begin to alter how you view the world. You’ll set upper and lower bounds on how much TV watching is appropriate, where half a week is fine for you, while another thinks “no TV” is the only appropriate level. You’ll begin to believe the messages on TV and think that cable news is accurate. Your reality will change to fit with your environment. This also means that justification is useless in determining right and wrong or good and bad.
Finally, and this is just for fun, but what if our beliefs in how we perceive the universe is wrong entirely? Artificial Intelligence (AI) programmers have struggled for decades with how to create A.I., and have stated that it may be impossible or, at best, very long before we have anything considered true A.I. But I often wonder if we’re considering problems like this entirely wrong at a more fundamental level. Perhaps the design for A.I. needs to be approached from outside-the-box, a realm that seems discouraged by many within science fields. In fact, I have often heard that minds like Einstein and Feynman were not just brilliant but creative. We often degrade creative elements in science because they seem inherently unscientific, but yet also seem to yield truly innovative and alien results. And this avoidance is compounded by educational institutions and companies that train individuals how to think within their framework, as opposed to exposing people to new subjects and letting them come to their own conclusions. I believe this may account for a vast decrease in creative innovation right now.
What Happens When You Stop Meditating?
Today’s video talks about my transition from regular meditative practice to a decreasing amount over the course of 6 months. As life got more busy, my focus shifted to other work and I found less time for meditation. While I did maintain much of my other practice, I lost the important part that kept me grounded and peaceful. I was less aware, less happy, and less “floaty”, an effect I had never understand until after it disappeared. I then experienced a week of depression and anxiety that culminated in my realization that I needed meditation more than anything else.
Within a couple days of strict practice I found myself leveling out and more content, but the floaty feeling of enlightened thinking has left me. I am now working to return back to my previous state while balancing my responsibilities and projects.
For Those Who’ve Crossed the River
This fall will mark the approximate 5th anniversary of my journey towards, what I assume to be, enlightenment. It began accidentally with an innocent mind stumbling upon deep, eluding questions about life, and a burning curiosity to discover their answers. And as the years march on, a transformation of thought and idea have become manifest, altering my mind forever. It has been a truly bizarre experience that I want to sum up with this allegory:
Coughing and sputtering up water, an exhausted figure climbs desperately ashore, collapsing into the dry sand. For awhile he just rests, breathing heavily and thanking the universe that he made it across. Behind him a vast bubbling river swirls and churns, filled with splintered logs and razor sharp rocks. Alongside the man extends a wide empty beach and in front a thick, untamed wildness. Finally, after summoning enough strength to sit up, the man stares back over the immense water he just accomplished. It had been a difficult and dangerous journey with numerous close calls. Among the waves and splashes he can see other brave swimmers attempting to cross. Some are near completion, others far on the other side. He can also just make out the other beach where many people are standing and observing the waters. Beyond that, a world where we all come from, the previous life before we realized the river was even here. The man sits and watches some of these people inspect the waters. Some casually glance at it and turn away, content with their own little world and uninterested in what the waters possess. Others are more interested and dip a toe in, perhaps even wading to their thighs, but ultimately turn around and retreat to the safety of the shoreline. Either confused at why they would continue further or just scared of the unknown. Others begin their swim, some slowly easing in and others with a sprint and a dive. But the man notices an interesting observation, almost none of the swimmers look across the water to the shoreline he sits at. They are only focused on the water immediately in front of them. Interesting he wonders, was I that unaware when I first began? Did I really not see the shoreline on the other side? He switches his gaze to the river itself and watches people struggling to swim the murky water. A good portion of excited swimmers quickly look panic-stricken and turn around to either wade in shallower waters or return to the shore. They appear unfit or insecure in their abilities to make the journey. Perhaps at a later time the man thinks, once they’ve grown a bit more. Most of the swimmers though are well on their way towards the middle of the river. But the man again notices a look of worry and concern that is slowly growing on their faces. Perhaps they are questioning the legitimacy of what they’ve been told. Is swimming this river really worth it? Is there really a bank on the other side at all? Was I hoodwinked into believing something entirely of fiction? Others are more concerned with their internal constitution and whether they’ll have enough energy and determination to stick with it until the end. Especially since the end isn’t even in sight. “What are we even swimming towards?” they wonder. And this is when the man sees various individuals, here and there, turning back or getting swept away down the stream. Most find themselves climbing back on the other shore, but some are caught in vortexes of swirling water, making the same strokes, but no progress. Almost as if they’re trapped and lost in the waters. And worse yet, some swimmers have disappeared, sucked under by the current, forever lost to the mystery of these waters. The man finds himself calling out, a tear streaking down his cheek. Memories of himself, struggling through the same challenges, flash through his mind. If only I could reach them and tell them how to succeed. But the man is unwise and does not yet realize that the bubbling waters are changing and that specific instructions do not necessarily help. In fact they can harm, even if the intention is good. For what seems like an eternity the swimmers continue ahead, but the pack is growing light. More and more individuals are being swept away or giving up, still unable to see the shoreline, unaware of how close they really are. The man at one point stands and shouts because one swimmer is mere meters from the shoreline and decides to turn back. “How close he has come! This is terrible,” the man yells in frustration. Watching further he sees a few key individuals who have stopped swimming and are calling others over. This swimming guru is attempting to teach others how to swim the current, but almost all his followers cannot swim any further than he, for they are limited to his skill. Only a small handful realize this and leave him, swimming in the moment and tackling the challenges as they come. For a long while the man watches all this go on, amazed that this challenge is not attempted by more people. He, himself, had not even heard of this bubbling river for many years and had only stumbled upon it by accident. He looks along the beach and sees not a single soul. Of all those swimmers, no one has made it yet, and for days, weeks, months, and even years he could sit without seeing anyone climb ashore. And then it dawns on him that his friends and family will probably never make it. “How have we not addressed this?” he wonders. It seems with all that the other world is composed of, someone could have been a guide along the way or technology could help bridge the gap. Or what about a clearer view of the other beach? Perhaps if people knew what they were swimming towards they’d try even harder. More and more questions begin to pile up and the man realizes his journey isn’t over. The water was just the test. The first step towards challenging himself and growing as a person. He stands up and gives the river one last look, emotion welling up inside. He says a quiet goodbye to his former life and turns to the tall trees and thick forest in front of him. Perhaps there’s something on the other side he says and steps within.
I hope this allegory helps you gain a more visual understanding of what the path towards enlightenment is like. This has been my own personal vision about it and I now find myself deep within the forest. It has changed me greatly as a person and I look forward to the continuing advance of my personal growth. If you too have found yourself across this river, leave a comment and share your own journey!
Admitting When You’re Wrong
Today’s video talks about why you should admit when you’re wrong and why doing it often is a source of strength. It allows your mind to become malleable and fights the belief structures you’ve built up. It allows you to move from thought to thought without forcing new observations and information to conform to existing world views. It allows you to see clearly. But this task is difficult because you must challenge fundamental beliefs about the world to make it work. You must learn to walk through doors that are closed and appear very solid, because what you’ll realize is that the doors never existed in the first place, they only existed in your mind. Tear them down and free yourself from the restrictions and obstacles you’ve built up around you.
Emotional Control and Petty Manipulation
Over the past year I’ve developed increasing control over my emotions coupled with complete shifts in my perspective on what emotion is and how to interpret it accurately. I’ve also changed much of my view on life in general and how to evaluate different matters more appropriately. These mutual shifts has resulted in something very interesting. For example, let’s say that due to a changing perspective and increased control over my emotions, I’ve grown more confident in my abilities. This boosted confidence along with the realization that certain actions or events aren’t as important or critical as previously thought, means that the value of my confidence is actually worth more. So not only am I more confident in myself, but that confidence goes further than before. In mathematical terms, it would be like A(confidence) – [B (required confidence) / 2 ] = total confidence, where previously it would have been A(confidence) – B (required confidence) = total confidence. Input A=100 and B=50 results in: 75 confidence rating in equation 1 and 50 confidence in equation 2. But even with this increasing control and fresh perspectives on life, I still find myself victim of occasional emotional experiences which are primarily negative and seemingly inescapable. Today was one of those days.
The day started with a stiff neck and slight headache which immediately set the stage for the rest of the day. After a quick breakfast and my morning routine, I realized I needed to quickly rearrange the office area so we could repaint the walls. This slight disturbance to my daily routine started the spiral of increasing negative energy. I soon found myself hot and sweaty, quickly bustling about a crowded and messy room. As the day moved on with continual distractions I also got pushed into repairing my truck rather than bringing it into the auto repair garage. This made me immediately uncomfortable because I am I completely inexperienced in this field and a job which was originally quoted to be an easy fix, suddenly hit snags. Oh, and did I mention that it’s a rainy and cool day which appears to be affecting my energy levels and interrupted our repair progress?
Ideally when encountering situations of petty frustrations it is advisable to escape for a quick 15 minute meditation. This can immediately restore your mental faculties and regain control over spiraling emotions. But unfortunately I was unable to find the time. Finally I managed to get away and found myself walking to the YMCA analyzing my behavior. I’ve achieved mental states with immense control over my emotions with deeply enlightened viewpoints that bring me to virtually untouchable locations (psychological invulnerability). And it struck me that my knowledge of these mindsets should simply be reason enough to access them. It’s not that I have to find the exact mindset (ex. a calm, serene feeling of control), but rather the realization that one exists at all should simply bring me there. And this thought did help and I found myself returning to a rational mindset with more control over my emotions, but it wasn’t enough and I couldn’t definitively attribute the change to that factor. Perhaps just getting away and walking to the YMCA was enough.
This analysis brings up another interesting point I’ve previously discussed about living in the moment. We only ever exist right now and can only ever utilize the systems current variables. You cannot access or change anything else. Thus it’s important to recognize the futility of emotional involvement in most activities. Regretting decisions or becoming angry about mistakes solves nothing. Instead you should reassess the situation, make calculations, choose the best decision to move forward with, and take action. For often, if not always, you will do this in time anyway, so you might as well begin now. This sort of thinking can allow you to catch your emotional self and say, “hey, calm down, your reaction to this solves nothing, make the best decision and move on.” And 99% of the time this works, but on days like today it somehow escapes me.
And that’s the point I wanted to share today. Even with powerful control over your emotions, there are still situations and chains of events that can trick your mind into becoming emotionally involved. And it should raise a serious red flag for you to realize that if petty things can push your buttons, then in truly serious situations where you desperately need your mental faculties, you will most likely break down. Take for instance the Boston Marathon bombing. Detonation occurs, and in your fantasies you run towards it to help with the injured, but in reality you run scared, your brain dictating your next move because self-preservation is too difficult to break. This is why it is so important to meditate on who you are and what is really going on inside your mind. It is almost always different than what you anticipate.
Lastly, I want to mention petty manipulation which, through my personal analysis, has become apparent to me. I think there is a part of me that almost enjoys feeling unhappy. I get some sense of self-pity out of it and thus my mind moves there. This is nothing but weakness and should remedied. Another reason I remain in negative states is to “punish” those that put me there. By acting negative or unhappy, I guilt other people into feeling sorry that they did something to upset me or pity me themselves. And on top of this, the idea of controlling myself and remaining happy and content won’t get the point across to those people. They won’t realize they messed up or pissed me off or should feel bad for me and thus I must appear negative. This is a very basic manipulative technique that seems naturally learned. Another simple weakness I will now assess and repair.
Enlightenment Journey Update: May 31st, 2013
It’s been just over a month since my last video which talked about multiverse and simulation theory. I’ve been so damn busy with my company SJC Media and my other project over at The Spawn Room that I’ve neglected publishing any content for Nothing Definitive. But today I have a video discussing a few things I’ve wanted to clarify about enlightenment, and an update regarding my personal journey and where I’m going. Unfortunately my life will continue to be very busy for the foreseeable future so content will be intermittent. But I’ll be here, finding time to meditate when I can, taking notes about the complexities of our universe, and sharing them as often as possible. So without further ado, here is today’s update.
Update: Something interesting I wanted to mention is that it’s bizarre to think that I’ve actually achieved much of what I set out towards 4 years ago. My desire for a more rational, intelligent mind now exists, something I wasn’t even sure possible. In fact, I wrote this the other day when I was meditating on this thought, “My mind is constantly at war, challenging and verifying every thought. Checks and balances, checklists, and internal monologues are constantly engaged. It’s hard to remember a time when my mind was more quiet. When every thought wasn’t followed by intense debate and validation. It’s amazing, but not necessarily in a good or bad way. Just…in the middle.” The point I want to make here is to never give up and never doubt yourself. IQ, natural learning abilities, gifted learners, etc. is all bullshit. I promise you. Everything is achievable, it’s just an arduous journey.